It was my first day of work after the COVID-19 lockdown and I was unbelievably nervous. But it wasn’t only the pandemic I was worried about. It had been seven months since I had given birth to my first baby and, for the first time, I was leaving her with her grandmother to go to work.
If anyone had asked me whether I would return to work after giving birth, I would not have given a clear answer. I could not put into words the bliss I felt when I held my newborn. She was so tiny, yet she occupied such a big space inside my heart. The government imposed lockdown began when my maternity leave was coming to an end, so I was home for seven months, taking care of my baby and healing from my C-section.
While at home, I spent most of my time looking after my baby. When I left her with my parents I was anxious and, as soon as I got home, I would run to her. How on earth could I leave her at home for hours while I worked? I found myself considering leaving my job to care for my baby.
My career was going well and I had wonderful, supportive colleagues. I was working on something I was passionate about in the field of medical research. My job had become an important part of my life and my identity, giving me a sense of purpose. Yet here I was, ready to sacrifice it all for the sake of my baby. I could always rejoin my job when my baby was older, I tried to rationalize, but I knew that restarting one’s career after a break would be hard. Would I even go back to work again? What should I do? Was I making the right choice?
When I opened up about my dilemma to family and friends, they listened with patience and assured me that they would support me whatever my decision was, but they also advised me not to act on impulse. My friends who were working moms themselves encouraged me to give it a shot, assuring me that I would start adjusting to the changes just as they had. I disclosed my situation to my senior at the office and we decided that I would be working part-time for a few weeks after rejoining the office.
The country was still under lockdown, but I was an essential worker due to my work at a laboratory for examining medicines. On the first day of work, I gathered all my courage and bid my baby farewell. I had prepared everything she would need the day before. I was so anxious that it even felt silly. Of course, I knew I would return in the evening, but logic stood no chance against my emotions. How would I fare at work, I wondered, would I ever stop thinking of my baby and focus on my work?
At first, I struggled to balance my responsibilities at home and work. I rarely asked for help, as I was convinced that no one could do a better job than me at looking after my daughter.
In time I realised that this attitude was making things more difficult for me, so I learned to loosen up and let some things go. Taking care of my baby was a real test of my patience! In the process, I discovered a level of patience I didn’t know I had. If I was given a chance to relive those difficult few weeks, I would ask for help from my family members without feeling embarrassed, and I might even hire a caretaker to help me with my child and household chores.
My work can be hectic but this busy schedule actually helped me keep my mind off my baby. I also felt significantly more productive at work after having a baby, contrary to my initial assumptions. Before having a baby, I would often stay long after work until I cleared everything on my list. My colleagues and I worked at our own pace, pausing often to chat and continuing socializing after our shift was done. While I have absolutely no regrets about enjoying my time with my colleagues, I did feel like I could have managed my time better.
Fitting childcare into my schedule has made me better at time management and this, along with the care I have to put into every step of looking after my daughter, has made me more focused on my work and more responsible about my performance. I leave work at work and can maintain healthy work-life boundaries.
My friends were right. I did adjust after I went back to work, and now I am juggling my family life and career successfully. Sometimes it can be tough, but I am grateful that I decided to preserve my independence through my work.
