I was born and brought up in a big family in Kathmandu. I got married in 2013 and left my home country to settle in Dubai with my husband. Dubai is a beautiful country with shiny skyscrapers, and people come here with dreams of succeeding personally and professionally.
I was extremely excited to begin the new journey of my life in a foreign land and intrigued to know how my life would unfold here.
I am a fun loving, social extrovert who loves travelling, going to the movies, and frequenting parties and gatherings with friends and family. Having worked in the administration department of a renowned hospital in Kathmandu, I was planning to seek a similar job in Dubai. While I am passionate and serious about work, I’d also made sure I left space for enjoyment in Nepal, and I planned to do the same in Dubai. Since I was new to this country, I wanted to explore the city, so I decided to take a career break of a few months. Unfortunately I couldn’t get an ideal job here, so I made the most of the situation and explored Dubai.
After a year, we decided to plan for a baby. It all happened so quickly and I was pregnant. We were grateful for the little one on board and delighted at the thought of raising our kid in this wonderful and vibrant city, but we felt equally nervous for the responsibility we were about to take on.
The first two months of my pregnancy were exhausting! I couldn’t cook and eat as well as before. Smells from the most regular foods began to irritate me, and I felt nauseous at the sight of onions, spinach, daal, and milk. My diet was only fresh fruits, juices, dry fruits, and yoghurt. My husband had long working hours and tried his best to be there for me, but I began to miss my family back home terribly, especially my mom. So we decided to go back to Nepal and return to Dubai after delivering our baby.
My pregnancy journey was much smoother after I arrived in Nepal, and I gave birth to a healthy baby boy via normal delivery. However, the beginning of the postpartum period was extremely difficult for me. The stitches hurt so much that I was unable to sit and walk properly. Furthermore, as a first time mother, I was overwhelmed with all the physical, mental and emotional changes including the exhaustion, pain, sleepless nights, and stress.
Two weeks after the delivery, I began to feel a lot better. Slowly, I began to adapt to the changes around me. I felt lucky to have a family who was there with me every step of the way. My baby was looked after by his grandparents, uncles, and aunts. In no time, six months had passed and finally the day arrived when we had to return to Dubai.
Back to Dubai
My husband was very excited to bring us back to Dubai and raise our son there. We felt Dubai would open new doors for our baby. He could witness and be part of multicultural experiences in a globalizing world. Proper health and education facilities would secure his promising future. As soon as we landed in Dubai, we prepared a long list of baby items and began shopping the very next day. I felt a new journey had started yet again.
I knew that my husband would have to eventually return to work after his few days of leave but when he finally left for work, I felt anxious. There are a plethora of duties to perform from cleaning, laundry, cooking, and other household activities to daily baby chores. Hiring a caretaker or babysitter was very expensive in Dubai and, with my husband’s demanding work schedule, it was up to me to take care of the baby all by myself. During this time, I yearned for the security, support, and familiarity I had back home.
There were times I questioned myself, “Am I doing the right thing?” I felt like I couldn’t give my son all the love and attention that he truly deserved.
I worried that he would miss the values and traditions of being raised in an extended family like I was. Some days, unnecessary doubts of being incapable of looking after my baby and not being a good mother made me cry a lot.
I wanted to start working when my baby was two years old, and I was happy to receive a few job offers. The long working hours meant I needed to put my baby in a child care center, but they were expensive. I even sought part-time jobs, but none were suitable for me. With a heavy heart, I gave up the idea of starting work again.
I frequently called my family to establish a connection with my son’s grandparents and relatives in Nepal. We visited Nepal every year and stayed for at least a month. I made sure to speak in Nepali with my husband, and am thankful that our son picked up the language by listening to us. We make sure he is part of all the Nepali festivals we celebrate. Although we tried to teach him our traditional values, it always feels like we could have done more.
My motherhood journey surely had lots of downs, but there are many things I am truly thankful for. Our son has brought a lot of joy into our lives.
Google was and still is my best friend and advisor, apart from my parents, family members, and close friends. I learned to research, and accept and reject practices as I saw fit for raising my son without anyone’s unwanted influence.
Parenting apps which I followed during my pregnancy were extremely helpful in my journey. Had I been with my family in Nepal, maybe I would not have garnered this much faith in myself to question many traditional parenting practices, nor would I have built so much resilience to try to always do better than I did before. I have found strength as a mother. I am more focused and sensitive than before and I love it.
I feel every mother is a supermom who never gives up, and no matter how hard things get, she will always do better. I believe every mom possesses unmatched superpowers. There are bound to be doubts, but now I realize it’s just a normal feeling for any mother to want the best for her kids. All mothers are good in their own way, and parenthood is a learning process for both parents.
After the COVID-19 lockdown, we are huddled at home in Dubai. I miss travelling together with my baby, and it is reassuring that he is as excited as I am about experiencing new things. Travelling still gives me peace. I can’t wait for COVID-19 to end, and until then I will miss my supermom and count the days to meet and hug her again!
